wintery, windy
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Nanao Sakaki - How to live on the planet earth
One day it will be over, it is not sad, it is a fact (of life)

A page is turned again and again and again

6th Jan. 2014

May this year bring us more joy more peace less mindless consumerism and some good times together. Or here is to “ carrying on and doing what we can while we can... “ A much more appropriate and accurate wish perhaps.

--- 2014 is finally here, complete with new year resolutions that will not be kept and great relief that 2013 and the festive season is over. I took a MOIblog gap year, time to become officially menopaused and accompany both my parents and Isabelle to the other side, not necessarily willingly or in that order. It has been a very difficult and life changing twelve months. All my life I have felt quite mature and grown-up and have had my fair share of ups and downs but only now do I really feel like an adult. Becoming an orphan at fifty one is very reasonable, though losing both within nine months of each other (to the day, Paulette 28/12/2012, Henri (28/09/13) is a bit too much. What is more difficult is to feel so little prepared or apt at dealing with death, emotionally, psychologically but also practically. After all this is the only certainty we have in life, yet it takes us by complete surprise and everything becomes so dramatic and complicated, and extremely expensive! I never thought dying could cost so much, such a racket there. I think it is quite different in other cultures, but in the West we may be very sophisticated when it comes to living and consuming and having a good time, but nothing ever prepares us for our or other's death. it is also difficult to share or discuss it candidly with the 'living' since it automatically creates a gloomy or embarassed atmosphere or triggers fear and anxieties. It is not true of everybody of course, those who are or have been through it already are often keen to share and compare experiences. This usually leads to beautiful conversations.

-- So here i am again, more mature, still bruised and grieving but slowly coming out of a state of shock followed by a long period of self induced isolation on automatic pilot. I am starting to be able to look outward and forward again. I have spent the Christmas break here in London, catching up with archiving and documentation; JUNGLE FEVER in Ahmedabad and Neufelden, FLUSSAUFWAERTS#3 this summer, BdeM hat collection and of course my website and MOIblog. I am rejoicing at the familiarity of the gestures required to do this. It is painful to look at some recent images from which so many are no longer around, my 50th birthday party for exemple, who would have thought that a few months later three of them would have left us, same with the BdeM hat collection. I have just made a video from some of the images, to use as a complement / advert to the book i am starting to make with 100 photographs of my knitted hats worn by their new owners, taken since i started in 2007. i now have quite a few close people on the other side, in order of disappearance Bernard, Kathy, Isabelle, Paulette. I have decided to dedicate a wall of my home to the departed and display a small framed photograph I took of them. I may also include others , that I don't know personally but who have effected me (positively).

on New Year's day I read some of Nanao Sakaki's collected poems "how to live on the planet earth". It did brighten the dark and rainy day that it was and provided a great quote to include in the brief description of PRAELUDERE (ballades form the 20th century) I was sending Christoph Nicholas and Marcus Kaiser in preparation for performing them in Munich early February. ...Every footprint is a song, the song of life, painted on the sand, painted in the air ...

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